From: Day, John John.Day@anacomp.com


ELECTRICAL THEORY BY JOSEPH LUCAS

Positive ground depends on proper circuit functioning, which is the
transmission of negative ions by retention of the visible spectral
manifestation known as smoke. Smoke is the thing that makes electrical
circuits work. We know this to be true because every time one lets the
smoke out of an electrical circuit, it stops working. This can be
verified repeatedly through empirical testing.

--For example, if one places a copper bar across the terminals of a
battery, prodigious quantities of smoke are liberated and the battery
shortly ceases to function. In addition, if one observes smoke escaping
from an electrical component such as a Lucas voltage regulator, it will
also be observed that the component no longer functions. The logic is
elementary and inescapable!

The function of the wiring harness is to conduct the smoke from one
device to another. When the wiring springs a leak and lets all the
smoke out of the system, nothing works afterward. Starter motors were
considered unsuitable for British motorcycles for some time largely
because they consumed large quantities of smoke, requiring very
unsightly large wires. It has been reported that Lucas electrical
components are possibly more prone to electrical leakage than their
Bosch, Japanese or American counterparts. Experts point out that this
is because Lucas is British, and all things British leak. British
engines leak oil, British shock absorbers, hydraulic forks and disk
brake systems leak fluid, British tires leak air and British
Intelligence leaks national defense secrets. Therefore, it follows that
British electrical systems must leak smoke. Once again, the logic is
clear and inescapable.

In conclusion, the basic concept of transmission of electrical energy in
the form of smoke provides a logical explanation of the mysteries of
electrical components especially British units manufactured by Joseph
Lucas, Ltd.

A few Lucas quips:
The Lucas motto: Get home before dark.
Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.
Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF.
The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.
The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.
If Lucas made guns, wars would not start.

Q: Why do the British drink warm beer?
A: Because Lucas makes their refrigerators.
This has been referred to as the smoke theory. When the smoke comes
out its finished, cooked or done for.

THIS IS JUST MEANT TO BE FUNNY

lol.
I was laughing soon as I read the title.
Anyone remember that writer for Road and Track, years ago, used to go on about his 'piggue de plastique' Lotus and it's Lucas electrics?

yeah, That was Satch Carrlson Who now writes for Hemmings vintage magazine. He is still very funny.

Nice, I'd be laughing except I have a British car with Lucas electrics and all of the above is most certainly true.

Joseph Lucas... aka The Prince of Darkness!

Actually his specialty was more in the area of random darkness.